Coconut air freshner

I'm feeling like I've lost myself here lately in the midst of the craziness. My ups and downs of the love that slipped right through my fingers. So I took a visit to my favorite surf shop (yes I do skate and have since the womb.). I bought a Ted's Shred Surf Wax scented air freshner and some surf tees. I instantly started to feel better. Sounds nerdy but I don't really care. The cool air and warm sun felt so different, like I was breathing again for the first time in ages. I taught class on thursday and started out in a good mood. By the time I left though, I was foul again. I'm not exactly sure what I did wrong but it's not fair for me to feel like this. I have no closure and I still love him deeply, coconut scented air freshner or not. I get glances and I feel like I'm being pulled apart piece by piece and can't be put back together. So what now?