Sunshine over calm waves

I'm sitting up at 2:39 a.m. with a Stephen King book in my lap, and my cat sleeping soundly beside my legs. Her seamless purring makes me jealous, because I know that she is sleeping better than I have been. These last weeks I have been plauged with 'what-ifs' of this 'new him' who shall remain nameless. I would like to make the most of what may come from the communication between us, but I try not to get my hopes up for fear of another severe let down that will shoot me into yet another broken hearted, somber, self-pity,self-blaming downward spiral. Yep, in essence I will have become the person that I would hate to be around. Instead I try to take the tiniest of steps and am working on investing myself in others instead. This summer I will be triying new things, investing more time towards family and new friendships, and working to revive old friendships lost in this epic worldwind called life. To me, 'He' is a nice bit of sunshine over calm waves on a summer day in a cool refreshing sort of way. So I will cross my fingers in a proverbial sense, and in the mean time I am thankful for what I do have.

Velocity equal to

“Table Tennis” by Flying Lotus (feat. Laura Darlington) + Lyrics | jovian phoen:x

This is what I feel like with the 'new' him. Sort of drawn in an odd way.

I feel like...

Modjo Lyrics - Lady (Hear Me Tonight)

This is would I imagine my next love will say to me, is that weird? It's just cut, dry and to the point and a really good song to boot

I'll tumble for ya

I'm sitting here contemplating some things, throwong them around. I've never really done something as big as what I'm thinking of doing. I want to...scratch that am going to (as told to me by someone I know) audition for a part in a show with a tumbling part. I always here "well aren't you to old to do that" "well aren't you too old for skateboarding" (gymnastics, etc). I'm tired of the naysayers and I say shut your face to them. I am going to try, if not for the experience alone. I like tumbling and I love skateboarding. I figure why not do something with it that will be somewhat gratifying and I won't feel like I'm doing it for no reason. Right? After all if you're going to do something...do it for yourself not for others and the recongnition that you may or may not cares...I'll tumble for ya...but I'll tumble for me first.

Still crusing still searching...

So as I'm waiting on the bus that I drive to pick up the after achool bunch. I'm finding that, some days in one aspect..my life sucks....more than most. Why am I still single? Of coarse this now brings to the forefront the whole 'grass is greener' question. It's not so much that I need this yet unfound person to complete me, but more so to enhance my life, I guess is what I'm trying to say. Someone that wants to go cruise around with me, or you know the same stuff. I know he's out there but I don't wanna rush it, ah geez now I sound like a Reader's Digest magazine

Soulful House: Jon Cutler ft. Kemdi - You Groove Me (Osunlade Remix)

Skating keeps me sane

Today is one of those days, where time won't go fast enough. I look around and I see people wearing sweaters and holding hands and it's like "Geez, man rub it in my face already.". Obviously 'the grass is greener' does not always apply but what's wrong with wanting someone to skate with, and point out how lame and overly obnoxious tourists are,or just hang out with and count the stars...you know? I'm not by any means desperate, just perplexed as to what I may be doing wrong that I haven't found my 'makes my heart stop, days worth living, skate partner' yet; because sitting home having a glass of wine in the evening is not the way I want to spend them. I feel like I should complete the look by owning about 4 more cats, getting my name monogrammed on everything, and join a book club or something. Dear life....give me a break already.Let's face it...skating keeps me sane..