Sunshine over calm waves

I'm sitting up at 2:39 a.m. with a Stephen King book in my lap, and my cat sleeping soundly beside my legs. Her seamless purring makes me jealous, because I know that she is sleeping better than I have been. These last weeks I have been plauged with 'what-ifs' of this 'new him' who shall remain nameless. I would like to make the most of what may come from the communication between us, but I try not to get my hopes up for fear of another severe let down that will shoot me into yet another broken hearted, somber, self-pity,self-blaming downward spiral. Yep, in essence I will have become the person that I would hate to be around. Instead I try to take the tiniest of steps and am working on investing myself in others instead. This summer I will be triying new things, investing more time towards family and new friendships, and working to revive old friendships lost in this epic worldwind called life. To me, 'He' is a nice bit of sunshine over calm waves on a summer day in a cool refreshing sort of way. So I will cross my fingers in a proverbial sense, and in the mean time I am thankful for what I do have.