Ech awful evening awful awful awful

Today started out nice enough. I began working on homework fairly early and had a nice breakfast. I left the house early to go train, and that was interrupted so that might've began my horrid evening. Then during my shift "he" came and asked where something was. My stomach suddenly turned to knots and I just felt nauseated. I can't keep dealing with this in this manner. I've been dealing with it by training and just staying quiet, keeping all of my anger on my training instead of elsewhere. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better training day because today wasn't. I still feel a little off. I'm tired of hearing the "oh you'll find someone better", blah blah blah. Who in the world said I was looking for "someone better". I wasn't looking for anyone when "he" crossed my path. I never am on "the hunt", it's not what I do. So, what now? I guess we will see what tomorrow will bring.

What a mess

So i came to work the other day and kept hearing quiet chatter. One of my friends came to me and asked me if i knew where "he" was to which i answered a confused no. Then more people started asking me if i knew where he was as if we were still together and i was supposed to know. Well, he came in sick and looking like death warmed over. I felt horrible and my heart sunk and began to beat out of control. I wanted to say something but what? I love him but i guess i wasn't good enough to be with, so why try and offer and words of consolation, they'll just sound like empty words to him anyway right? So the rest of my night went oddly in terms of thoughts. I tried to stay way out of his way for fear of bumping into him and not having anything to say.