I'd rather just sit in the sunshine

I feel so overwhelmed. Like I'm drowning in a sea of anxiety to the soundtrack of whatever pop songs I absolutely hate. Its not that I believe the grass is always greener, but it absolutely seems that way though. I am scared, mostly of change. Yes, I've admitted finally that I am a creature of habit and comfort. I love my longboard skateboard, and crusing on a sunny day, taking a moment to close my eyes and let the sun warm my face and penetrate my soul. I love the beach like it's engrained in my D.N.A. so it goes w/o saying that this week and the last 2 I have done either of these to de-stress and on top of that the family-owned business world showed me just how cruel, underhanded and unkind it can be to it's employees..namely..me. To make matters worse I'm losing sleep over someone who may or may not care that I exist in the world. It's enough to make me want to become an agoraphobic. Instead I feel as though I merely trudge through these days with shoes embedded in quicksand whilst trying to project a facade of happiness and contentment, when i'd rather just drive barefoot to the beach and go sit in the sunshine.